i love my boyfriend but i don't like him

My entire life had been invested in him. Most people find it helpful to have an experienced person coaching them through a process like this. That is where the work – and healing – begins though. When he asked me to marry him, my first thought was “no”. that makes me angry and hurt. Love is an in-your-face experience, and if you aren’t feeling the butterflies and the assurance and the ‘deep down knowing’, you aren’t in love. We were always better friends, but friends (and their mutual understanding of one another’s idiocies) don’t always make the best lovers. When you first met your boyfriend, maybe you didn't know what you wanted in the future. This isn’t a magic formula that will heal all hurts. The absence of them also means something. Your husband is hearing something from you – or maybe from someone else – that makes him feel “less than.” He’s afraid he’s not measuring up in the workplace, or at church, or compared to his friends, or maybe even in the bedroom. For the longest time I thought that I needed to be in love to feel fulfilled in life.
We didn’t have that. (For those wondering, yes the roles can be reversed. And it’s okay to quit holding onto something that isn’t there.

I hear this from a lot of wives. In my experience, this is usually the result of “hard side” behavior from the husband. It was a half-assed ‘here’s your ring’ ordeal and that was it. Wishing you better days ahead! Jan, If you are at the end of your rope, don’t wait any longer to reach out for help! We weren’t alike, but we accepted every damn flaw and never tried to change ourselves for one another. i want to make it work. But for now, I’m addressing what I see most often.) Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

Yes- even if you don’t love them, leaving them is going to hurt. You imagine what it would be like to be married to him. We got along in every way. There are things you can do to stop this dance. “Til’ death do us part,” remains in most wedding vows today despite high rates of divorce and separation. The only thing he brings to the table is his wallet.

I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. There was never an aire of mystery between us. We smile when we look at them and look forward to spending time together. But it can give you a firm place to stand for more conversations. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Over time, the patient, kind words and thoughtful gestures have dwindled, replaced by harsh words and criticism, to the point that the last thing we want to do is look lovingly into his eyes. ''“When we see our partners’ soft side, we’re naturally drawn toward them''. Over the course of a few years, things could have changed drastically for both of you. When you give him information that’s painful, he’s likely feeling shame, and he lashes out to bury that pain. give us a call or schedule an appointment online. Breaking up is never easy or fun. 3. ''“Hold on to your core truths. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls. Yes i do love him, but dont like him, and dont trust him anymore. And it breeds contempt for our spouses, and for ourselves, since we know we’re living a lie. Every single piece of my life was attached to him. as always. He manipulates others including my adult children, to make himself look the good guy.

I learned more about love, by not loving him, than I ever could have loving someone else. Being in love- truly being in love, is wonderful. HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Is Your Marriage Counselor Really Pro-Marriage? how do i get that trust back. Hold on to your core truths. Maybe it was just me, maybe it was the fact we didn’t have what each other needed in the bedroom. But if you’re busy pretending that it’s already here, you may miss your chance to feel it. But don’t think I walked away from our loveless relationship having learned nothing about love.

It will show up though, unexpectedly and beautifully, so long as you’re courageous enough to say “no” to the relationships and the people that aren’t right for you. Trust Your Instinct. My head didn’t spin when he told me he loved me for the first time. When I said “I love you” it didn’t feel … We worked together, lived together, slept and cooked together. he just replies/ you only think u love me. can you give me any advise? He was doing it because we’d lived together three years. we both have contributed to the marriage breakdown, i have sincerely apologised for my disrespect in the past, but he wont take any responsibility in owning any wrong doing. I care about him a lot, we always have fun together and we have good sexual chemistry. He was my BEST friend. But we both said “yes” because we thought we had to. When I said “I love you” it didn’t feel right. We had this mutual understanding, but it was boring. would be appreciated/ weve been married 32 years. It was time, right? Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Sometimes it’s the wife exhibiting these behaviors. And it’s not going to happen to your accord. Is Your Marriage Counselor Really Pro-Marriage?​ October 11, 2020This might seem like a silly question, right? My words were “yes”. Warmly, Kim, © 2020 The Marriage Place. You know what makes you special.''. You don't imagine your wedding day. Hiding them won’t work. They’ll come out another way, usually through seething resentment, which is a ticking time bomb for the relationship. Yes i do love him, but dont like him, and dont trust him anymore. Many know this. He is playing the victom.

That’s when our resentment kicks in. Creepsters, our new Halloween mask and apparel line is here. You must be honest about your feelings. He wasn’t into it, and nor was I. Which brings me to my next point- it’s okay to say “no”. And these husbands have a special way of turning the tables: When their wife expresses hurt, the husband can find a way to make the situation about himself, rather than about hearing her pain. So when I call her out all I want from her is is a “I will put you first in all from this point on” and “you are right the decisions I made have caused you massive stress and I am sorry”, We all screw up but the idea is to NOT keep doing it and to admit when you do – humble yourself before your spouse in the face of true wrong doing, Mike, this is exactly the kind of work that is often best done with an experienced coach or counselor. “I don't think I am as in love with my boyfriend as he is with me. And I realized I didn’t love him. But forcing love was never going to make it happen. All Rights Reserved. We can help you like your husband again, in addition to loving him.

It’s a pattern and we can 1) help you recognize it and 2) begin to address it. Have you ever been in the midst of conflict with your spouse and thought “I love him, but I sure don’t like him!”?

Here’s your action plan: 1. by Kim Bowen | Aug 31, 2020 | Happiness, Marriage, Joy does not equal our happiness. Yes- I was one of those girls who defined herself by the relationship she had. And faking love was so much work. It can’t be planned or grown. when i tell him i love him . by elancer tauseef | Oct 10, 2020 | Marriage, Marriage Counseling. So, why don't I love him? Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. All Rights Reserved. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Tell him you love him, but not this behavior. You can acknowledge his feelings without agreeing with him. 21. Kim, thankyou for that info, we have been seperated 9 months now living under the same roof, im so scared, even more so now time is getting closer. If you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to give us a call and set up a free consultation. Certain qualities of their husbands generate feelings of warmth and appreciation, but other qualities drive them into resentment and contempt. And maybe if I said “I love you” enough I’d start to feel it. Well, yes you would; but surprisingly, many are not. Unfortunately, for many wives, glimpses into their partner’s soft side are few and far between. When both parties are coming into the conversation focused on their own respective pain – which is typical – it’s difficult to show empathy and hear/feel the pain of the other. It would grow on me, right? The Secret To Creating Joy In Your Marriage. Those butterflies mean something. too long to give up now. Joy, on the other hand, is the ability to experience peace and contentment day in and day out, regardless of circumstances.”.

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