SLATER: Sweet. Yeah! I was gonna go down on her for, like, several hours, okay? Everyone gets up an runs out of the room. You look like a future pedophile in this picture, number one. Great, great. SLATER: Hey, you stop. Thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. Behold, the upward-spiraling pigtail. Francis gets out of the car. Cut to inside. Fake ID. BECCA: So I was gonna ask you, did you hear about Jesse's grad party next weekend? SLATER: All right. We're screwed. SETH: We're so fucked. Seriously? SETH: Yeah, but, like- It's like ball, dick, ball. SLATER: I'm buying you a beer, McLovin. This kid's got period blood on his slacks. You know, I heard they recently decided to add more hops to it. He looks like a guy. I'm seriously getting fucking sick of you talking about her like that, frankly, if we can be honest with each other. EVAN: Yeah. There you are. JULES: Okay. He passes an old lady in the liquor aisle. SETH: Fuck you! I talked to a man who claimed he had climbed five mountains in his life. FOGELL: Yeah. The way characters stumble across each other, you’d think Los Angeles was little more than a village in Greg Mottola’s smart comedy, revolving around that US screen staple – the relentless teen quest to obtain party booze. FOGELL: Uh. BECCA: And I'm gonna get Jules a new comforter. They leave. At the start of the movie, when Seth and Evan are in the store, you can see Evan filling up a slushy cup and in the next few cut scenes, his hand retains the shape of … Fuck! She's been waiting. EVAN: Wanna do this, 'roid monkey? GABY: Oh, not if you're drunk too. Plus, you know, you scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours. You like Officer Slater and myself? He gets his shirt off. Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the spilled beer on the floor] Sir, did you do this? So I knew you and Fogell were gonna live together, you know. Cut inside. Cut to Jules and Becca ascending an escalator in the mall. SETH: So you do want alcohol? MICHAELS: I'm buying you one too. FOGELL: Yeah. He picks it up for her. MAN 3: You sing. If you don't, she's gonna have a shitty night. But I never see you at parties or anything. Why can't we say it more often? EVAN: Holy shit. MICHAELS: Good luck on your exam tomorrow. Let me see it. SLATER: "Please don't shoot." All right. EMPLOYEE: Sir, did you do this? SETH: How'd he get into Dartmouth? SETH: No. I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar, I want a little production value, you know? EVAN: Okay. SETH: I'd just sit there for hours on end, drawing dicks. MICHAELS: It's just beer. He shows her the ID. I'd be psyched if I got with her. The bottle hits one of the men from the room. He fucking pussied out. MICHAELS: So by signing this, you are officially saying that as we stopped you from being mugged a crackhead stole our cruiser and did God knows what with it. BECCA: Oh, yeah? EVAN: We should go up on my roof. MAN 3: Oh, shit, I've been tackled by little girls! Cut to Seth and Evan getting off the bus. You calling your fucking friends again? We gotta go. Thank God, man. I remember that you- I avoided it. We can't pay for these. MICHAELS: Wrong night for that. It’s just like, everyone takes this class to get an A. ... Evan answers his phone. EVAN: Me too. That's why you need to stop being- will you get this for me? Super gay. EVAN: I want the world to know. What was she saying? MICHAELS: It was this bar. TRACK - MORNING I'm not even embarrassed to say it. I've wanted to tell you for so long that you're the best girl. Honestly saying I 'm having a fucking faggot friend he ca n't believe you me. A black eye even matter see the harm in bringing one little condom not saying I n't. Nail it you saved me first wife, who looks like fucking Zack Morris most moment... 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